Why I Started Writing

Going into 2023, I never would have predicted anything about last year. There were lots of ups and downs: my husband and I got our first dog who nearly died a month later from health complications, our car was stolen, we nearly lost our business, we dealt with personal struggles, and more. We expected last year to go a certain way, and it definitely didn’t.

But I think the way it all played out was better.

Now, don’t get me wrong, the stress and difficult things we experienced weren’t fun. There were many times throughout last year where I thought, what happened? How did we go from such a great year in 2022, to this? I would spend time praying and talking to God, asking Him what the deal was. I thought I was doing my best to follow Him, so I couldn’t understand why everything seemed to be falling apart. But then one day, as I was praying and walking my dog, I realized something.

My whole life I had professed to believe in God. I said I loved Him, and that I trusted Him with everything. I dedicated my life to Him and following His instructions. I said Jesus Christ was my everything. But, that wasn’t true.

Last year, when our savings was drained, our car was gone, and we were faced with losing everything we had worked so hard to build, I realized I had never really trusted God. All of my trust was in my bank account, in the number sitting in my savings. My trust was in my clients and how many video shoots were lined up on our schedule. My trust was in the stuff I owned. And that’s just silly.

It became clear last year how easily we could lose everything, how quickly situations and circumstances can change. I realized no matter how well things are going, I could wake up tomorrow with nothing. And maybe that sounds like a scary thought. But for me, it shifted everything in my heart.

I realized it’s not up to me. My success, provision, my needs being met—none of that is up to me. And that’s the biggest relief ever, because I realized I no longer had to live like everything was riding on my efforts. I’ve heard people say “the only one coming to save you is yourself.” I understand the thought process behind that, but it’s not true. Jesus Christ is on my side.

When this really sank in, it began a long (still ongoing) process of God completely transforming my heart and my relationship with Him. I trust in Jesus, my deliverer and defender, my provider and savior. Yes, I need to work hard. I need to steward the talents, capabilities, and resources He has given me well. But the most important thing for me to do is to put Him first in everything, and to put my trust fully in Him. Because if you surrender to Jesus and seek Him first above all else, He promises to provide and care for you.

I could lose my business tomorrow, and I would be okay.

My book could completely flop, and I would be okay.

I could lose my house tomorrow, and I would be okay.

Each of those things would be difficult. But I know without a doubt that I would be okay, because God is my good Father who loves me and watches over me. He always has a plan for me, a plan to prosper me, not to harm me, a plan to give me a future and a hope. He has taken care of me throughout my entire life, and no matter how difficult things have gotten (especially last year) I have always had what I needed and always been provided for, and He fills those needs in the most unexpected ways. So if everything falls apart today, I can say with full confidence that I’ll be alright, and that He has something even better for me to do waiting just around the corner.

That brings me to writing. Last year, I never planned to write a book. That wasn’t on my radar at all. But with how crazy everything was and the fact that we lost our largest group of videography clients last year, I was left with a lot of down time, and I was going stir crazy. I kept busy taking care of the dog and our house, marketing for our business, etc, but I was growing more and more stressed and worried as time went on. I needed something to focus my energy on, a project I could work on to feel productive and get my mind on other things. One day I happened to remember the idea I’d had for a story back when I was fifteen. I loved the idea back then but never got around to doing anything more than brainstorming ideas.

I brought it up to my husband, and he encouraged me to try writing it. I went back and forth with myself a lot, and finally, one day I sat down and started to write. And the more I worked on it, the better I felt.

To be honest, that first book wasn’t all that great. But by the time I finished, I had fallen in love with writing, and another story idea had already been stewing in my mind. That idea became Shadows of Memory.

Writing the first book was exciting, but writing Shadows of Memory was a completely different experience. I spent a lot of time praying about the story and characters before starting. Anytime I’d feel stumped when writing, I’d take a break to walk my dog and pray, and every time I prayed I’d always receive exactly what I needed to keep writing. I put as much of my heart as I could into these characters and their emotions, and in doing so, I processed some of my personal feelings and experiences, and grew so much closer to Jesus. I like to say I wrote this book with Him, because it feels like I just helped type it out with how much I went to God for help writing this book!

When I finished writing the first draft, I went for another walk with my dog and was thinking about the process of writing Shadows of Memory. I realized how much writing had helped me. I was no longer constantly stressed, I was happier, I felt more at peace, and I was pursuing something I genuinely loved doing. I was no longer crying or freaking out every day at whether or not we had enough video shoots scheduled each month to carry us through to the next. And, I was focused so much more on Jesus, and felt much closer with Him.

That’s when I remembered something else.

I had been on a missions trip in Paraguay back in 2018 for three months. One of my teammates was also named Abi. She was our translator, and she also became a good friend of mine. One day she came to me and told me that she had been praying, and God had spoken to her about me. She said this: “Abby, God is going to use the things you write first to help you, then to help others.”

When I remembered that, I nearly stopped in my tracks.

Writing was the life vest I needed this last year. God used writing not only to calm me down and stop my spiraling thoughts and emotions, but also to draw me so much closer to Him. Writing helped me.

That just leaves the last half of that word she gave me.

For as long as I continue writing, I pray that my stories would not reflect my heart and imperfections, but that they would reflect God’s heart. I pray my stories might uplift and encourage you. I pray that no matter where you’re from or who you are or what you’ve been through, they might give you hope. I pray that they might help you process your own emotions and experiences, and that they might help you find understanding for those around you. I pray that the stories I write might open your heart up to Jesus, even if it’s just a little bit.

I’m not perfect, and my stories certainly won’t be. I know I’ll make mistakes along the way. But, at the end of the day, more than anything, I hope my books can at least make you smile, and maybe make the world around you seem a little less dark. :)

Happy New year!

“The people living in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of the shadow of death, a light has dawned.” Matthew 4:16, ESV